I will never give up
by EvelyneHope
Summary: She gave up on him like he did on her; one thing she didn't know thought, was that in this empty building behind her, stood a man that would never give up on Gillian Foster until the last breath he breaths.
1. One word too much

So this is my first fic in _english_ so please, take it easy. I love nice comments, and criticism even more, so feel free to say anything you want. :)  
><strong>Just to be clear:<strong> I don't own 'Lie to me' or any of their characters, cause if did, I would know watch the 4th season and didn't give a damn about anythin else.

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><p>It was too much. She'd always putted up with his crap, but this time he had crossed the line – line <em>they <em>drew – and she was not willing to let that go. Who does he think he is? God? He doesn't have right to treat her this way, especially when she deserved to be treated with respect. She _needed _to be treated with respect by _him_.

Gillian looked at her desk and started to collect her papers. She was not going to cry because of him again. But again that was just an empty promise. Tears that were burning her eyes finally escaped and were streaming down her cheeks. Just by simple act, he could made her feel like she was useless and unwelcome here, like all of the work she's done here meant _nothing_ to him. She looked at the papers she was holding and she laughed. She was pathetic. She deserved far more than that and yet, every time she tried to change something, she would find herself not strong enough to do anything. And Gillian Foster she used to know wasn't weak. The Gillian she knew was independent and bold woman that could do anything she wanted and get everything she wanted. So this time, when she yet again felt the need to change something, the need was _so _strong, she just couldn't repress it. She had to do something with it or otherwise she would go crazy.

And that brought Gillian Foster here, to this empty office in the middle of the night. Cardboard box lied in front of her and she was putting her things there almost without registration. She was filling the box with books and personal stuff until nothing more could fit. With a loud sigh she sat down in her chair and looked out the window. Rain started to fall when she left her house an hour ago and now it was pouring heavily, making city disappear behind the rain drops. She loved this city. Streets full of people, bakeries that were filling Washington's air with delicious smell, libraries with interesting romantic novels she would never be sick of. This city was a part of her and the thought of leaving it behind made her heart ache. She couldn't imagine life without D.C., all her friends she met here and, even thought she new she shouldn't think like that, she couldn't imagine her life without _him._ Yes, he was ignorant bastard that didn't obey any rules and lived carefree, but she _loved him._ Out of all the people in the world, she must have fall for that one. It hurt her so bad, seeing him living his life like it was fun. He was careless and reckless and she couldn't watch how he was destroying himself day by day. _I deserve more than a ghost of a man he is_, she told herself. But living in a lie every day was not what Gillian wanted, so she had to run. She had to escape this life and start all over again, no matter what price she would have to pay.

She heard footsteps on the corridor and she turned around wiping the millionth tear she cried this evening. Her heart skipped faster, cause she knew whose step it was and she hated herself for what she recognized, was longing to see his face. How could she ever gonna live without all of this? "What are you doing here, love? It's bloody midnight!" His voice sent her back to reality and she quickly looked down at the box that sat on her desk. _This was not the way he was supposed to find out_, she thought. She didn't say a thing and just stared at her hands. Why on earth did she feel ashamed? He did this. He made her make that decision and she was not going to back up. Not this time around. "Are you okay?" He asked and his voice was full of concern. She smiled a little at the irony of the situation. He always starts to care when it's too late. "Hey, love? I asked you if-""I heard, Cal" She whispered and she swallowed her guilt. How can she tell him that she's leaving? It was too much for her. "Foster look at me" he said with demanding voice that made her shiver. Silence between them was so heavy, she almost felt like it was burning her skin. This time he shouted. "I said look at me!" Her body flinched at his rough voice and she had no other option that to look at him. She met his gaze halfway but his stare was so intense she just couldn't take it, so she looked down again. And thought their eyes met for just a second, he new that something was up. "You were crying, love" he said and was met with her smirk. "Thank you, Captain Obvious" she hissed, anger raising in her by every second. It amazed her how quickly she remembered all the things that brought her here. "Oi, the irony creeping. I'm in big trouble, am I?" He tried the joke, but no one laughed. _You can't even imagine_, she said in her mind, stood up and put her hands on the cardboard box. "What's that?" he asked. Gillian looked at him just to see how puzzled he looked. And thought her soft side wanted to assure him that every thing was okay, the stronger part spoke. "I'm done, Cal" she said and continued just when he wanted to interrupt. "I'm sick of your attitude. You try to play God, but you know what? You are not Him. For seven years I putted up with your crap, but I had enough! You don't care about anything and anyone. The only thing that matters is you and your feelings. Has it occurred you even once that other people have feelings too? That _I _have feelings!" At that, tears started to fall and she didn't even care to hide them. He had to know that he crossed the line. "If you thought that I'm gonna stand by your side and watch you turn this company – _our_ company – into a mess, then you're wrong. At this point I have nothing to say to you nor give you. I knew you were a troublemaker, Cal, but I've always stick by your side. And I've got nothing in return. That's the end, Cal, and as much as it pains me to say, it's the end for good" she wiped her cheek with sleeve of her red sweater. She must have looked like idiot that moment. He instead just stood there, too shocked to say anything. "What a hell that's supposed to mean?" his words were dripping regret, pain and disbelief. "You're leaving? Just like that?""Yes, just like that" she said and she reached for her purse. Just before she caught it, his hand grabbed her wrist and he spooned her around, their bodies inches away. Sadness in his eyes almost made her die right there. But she couldn't give up, cause she gave up too much already. "You can't do that" he told her shaking his head. "You can't leave this company, this is your life""No, Cal. I made it my life and that brought me here and made me who I am. Pathetic, lonely woman. And I deserve more than that." she said quietly. Cal looked for any sight of doubt in her eyes but there was any. She was determined and if she really wanted to leave this all behind, leave _him_ behind, she would do it. He let go off her wrist and stepped aside, making her room to leave. "You right, love. You deserve more than that" She looked at him disappointed. At some point, she wanted him to fight for her. Instead, he did what he always do when it comes to really important things. He gave up on her. And that was the moment she gave up on him. She grabbed her purse then took the box in her hands. She gave him the last look and made her way to the door. Just as she was about to leave, his voice stopped her. "Gill?" Her name on his lips sounded so foreign. She stood there, in the doorway. She didn't turned around cause she knew if she will, she might not have enough strength to leave him. "You were never lonely, really" his voice was so sad it almost broke her heart. Instead she just took a breath and made her way out of this company and this life. She will not try to change him, cause he couldn't change. And some part of her never really wanted him to change. But she will certainly stop trying to change him. She gave up on him like he did on her, and _that _was something both of them couldn't change. One thing she didn't know thought, was that in this empty building behind her, stood a man that would _never_ give up on Gillian Foster until the last breath he breaths.

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><p>So you like that? Should I countinue? *smiles sweetly* <p>


	2. A man she loved too much

Okay, so I know, beginings are hard. So please, be easy on me. :) And I want to** thank** that one** fellow who commented** on my story. I'm realy happy you like it. :) So, here it is, next chapter. I hope as hell you'll like it.

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><p>Gillian folded her sweater for the fifth time. She was sitting at the edge of her bed, suitcase lying next to her. She remembered when Alec was moving out and she had to pack all of his clothes. Sadness took over and she sighed loudly. She'd always dreamed that her life would be fulfilled with love and safety. She would have caring husband and two or three happy kids. She would live on a safe neighborhood, have a golden retriever called 'Sammy' and she would be more than proud of what she achieved in her life. Instead, she was sitting now alone, in a big house, packing her whole life in a suitcase she's bought on one of these flea markets when she was still with Alec.<p>

She stood up and putted the last cloth to a bag before she zipped it swiftly. She putted the suitcase on the floor and she rolled it down the hallway to leave it next to front door. Gillian made her way to the kitchen and sat on one of her kitchen stools. Since the day she had made up her mind about leaving, she felt unease. She had these moments when she founded herself really regretting decision she'd made, but she knew it was for the best, so she just tried everything to kill that little voice in her head that kept saying that she's wrong. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't her the knocking that was filling the air at least a minute. She shook her head to dismiss bad feelings and she went to the door. She silently begged God to not let it be Cal. She wouldn't bare to look at him right now, after everything they've gone trough lately. She couldn't hide her surprise when on the other side of the door stood no one else, but Emily Lightman. In the instant Gillian thought that she would welcome Cal with arms wide open only to avoid _this_. Well it wasn't that she didn't like Emily, on the contrary, she indeed adored her and at some point _loved_like a daughter she never really had. But she new that Emily never showed up at her doorstep without any particular reason, and now Gillian was sure as hell, that the reason was her departure.

"May I come in?" she asked politely and Gillian's heart broke almost immediately. After all, she was a voice expert and she could recognize with a heart bit every emotion displaying in someone's voice, especially when it came down to people she perfectly new. And Emily was one of those people. So when Gillian heard deep sadness and despair in girl's voice, she new it won't be a nice talk. 'Of course," she said and moved out of her way to let her in. Emily looked at her unsure and made her way to the hallway. Just as Gillian closed the door and was about to offer her something to drink, teenager spoke. "Why?" Question was tearing the air like a sharp knife. She didn't want to answer so she just tried to play dumb. "Why what?" Emily laughed a little and Gillian knew that it was nothing but a fake laugh. "Do you really think I'm that stupid? I just-" she tried to say something that would make her change her mind, but everything she came up with seemed pathetic. "Emily listen, it has nothing to do with you nor my relationship with your dad, I just need to-""Relationship? With my father? What relationship? There is none, Gill and you perfectly know that!" she hissed angry, her answer leaving Gillian dumbfounded. Why on earth she was angry now? "Em, I-""No!" she interrupt, now furious. "I was sick of looking at you two, tip-toeing around each other like scared kids. And I have enough of looking at my father, coming home every night, devastated cause of something he did or said to you," her words were taking Gillian by surprise and with every second she found herself a little bit more weaker. "I have no idea why are you leaving or where, but I just don't want you to do that, because of something my dad did." She hit the spot. How did she know all of this things, while she tried so hard to bury them underneath the ground, hundreds of miles down. She was stunned like never before, and when she actually thought she just crossed her limit, she saw tears glistening on the girl's cheeks. Almost automatically she reached for her and wiped her tears away, feeling that if the world won't stop spinning around any second, she will definitely collapse under the weight of this situation. "Honey, I'm so sorry. I swear it's not because of you dad and definitely not because of you. It's just..." she couldn't find a right words. She didn't feel like lying to her and she obviously couldn't say the truth. "When mum left I was really devastated," Emily whispered and Gillian was a little bit taken aback by this sudden change of a topic. "I thought that was the worst thing that can happened and there were days I used to blame myself for being the reason mum and dad got divorced." She sighed and looked Gillian in the eyes. "But that was the most terrible and hardest part of my life, and the thought of going trough that again, which will happen obviously if you leave, scares the hell out of me." Gillian's heart broke into the pieces. She was a strong woman, she could carry a lot on her shoulders without a wince, but what Emily just said completely destroyed her. It was hard enough to leave all of her life, friends, her and Cal here, but that was it. After she had her conversation with Cal in her office, one week ago, she only saw him once, when she gave him her notice. He only looked at her with pain, never said a word, but she was grateful. From that day she promised herself to not cry over it. And she stood by that promise, clenching on it with every breath and she kept the promise. She didn't shade a single tear. Up until now, when Emily practically told her, that she was as important to her like her own mother. All of these negative emotions and sadness rose in her and she just couldn't take it anymore. And with that, Gillian Foster burst into tears. Part of her already hated herself for showing this vulnerable side of her to Emily and that she probably made her feel lost right now and that she didn't know what to do. But she just couldn't hide it anymore, so instead of stopping, she feel on her knees, sobbing uncontrollably. She didn't know how much time passed, one second or forty minutes, but she remembered that she didn't flinch when small, warm hand fell on her shoulder and that after a while it was followed by a whole body of a well-known girl. Emily wrapped herself around Gillian and hugged her tightly. The two of them just sat in the middle of woman's hallway, drowning in the fears they were afraid of.

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><p>Gillian woke up the next day, exhausted as never. She felt like someone was doing drilling into her head with screwdriver. That was probably the reason why she woke up from a blissful sleep. She looked at the clock with a slight annoyance, cause since she is awake, there's really small chance she'll fall back to sleep again. Fluorescent numbers showed 07:08 am. Great, even when she's not working, she wakes up much earlier than she'd like to, she though and fell on her back facing ceiling. And that's when she recalled all of the drama she caused past these days, the thought of it made her breath hitch. She didn't mean to do that. Actually, she planned to sneak out like a thief in the night, when no one would see her and no one would ask uneasy questions. But soon Gillian understood that she's no coward and she can't leave like that, without explanation (even if it'd be made up) and no goodbye. This wasn't like her. But then again, what was? Since the incident on the roof with Cal, three months ago, she didn't recognize herself. Her argument with him somehow changed her so much, that she lost her old self and let new Gillian in.<p>

_It was a long day. Definitely too long for Gillian, and thought she worked for almost twelve hours today, she didn't see the end. That's way she ended up on the roof. She always liked that place, it gave her more room to think and have a minute for herself. City covered by night looked like the safest place on earth and she smiled to herself thinking how wrong she was. Few minutes later she heard footsteps on the stairs, but she didn't turn around. She knew that only she and him new about this place. They meant to make Lightman Group bigger, give people new jobs, but that didn't work out. So they left things as they were, only gaining another floor. But soon she heard another footsteps, the one she couldn't recognize. It was a woman, she new that, cause her high-hills were click-clacking on the marble floor. Her laugh filled the silence and in instant Gillian new who she was. Her body tensed and clenched her hands on balcony railing. He had no right to bring here here. This was their place. Well, it wasn't really, but Gillian felt like it could be. As soon as they saw her, the laughter stopped and awkwardness showed up. Cal looked like child lost in the fog, not knowing what to say since he thought they'd be here alone. "Gillian" woman whispered, and Foster catch a glimpse of embarrassment in her voice. "Zoe" Gillian answered acknowledging her presence. "You'll wait for me in my office, eh?" asked Cal looking at his ex-wife shyly. She sighed quietly then sent Gillian a quick glance and she click-clacked down the stairs, away from them. Situation was heavy and they both felt it. 'Make-up sex, huh?' Gillian's tone was harsh and Cal had to blink twice to make sure he's talking to his partner. 'Where that comes from? Jealous much, Foster?' he asked taking few steps near her. Woman laughed bitterly and shook her head. 'Yeah, of course. I'm jealous of that wife of yours, which you bang senselessly on the occasions' she said with fake sadness. Now _that_ was something odd, coming out from Gillian's mouth. She was good girl, not __vulgar one. 'What has gotten to you today?' Man asked surprised, hoping he would get the answer that would solve their argument. 'You're only hurting yourself, Cal' Then there was, old Gillian again. 'Wha- what are you taking about?' Cal was puzzled. First she's all hard on him and now she's caring? 'She's no good for you and you know it. She will watch you fall apart, piece by piece to walk away again, leaving you shattered here' she said, trying so much to stop tears from falling. Watching Cal on a self-destruct was the most terrible thing she has ever gone seen, and she was not willing to go trough it again. 'And who you are to tell me about what's good and bad in relationships?' He looked at her with anger. She had no right to analyze his relationship – or whatever it was - with Zoe. Gillian was taken aback, pain pulling at her heart. It wasn't that he pointed out her lack of talent when it comes to relationships, but that he questioned their friendship. She had right to care about him; she had cared for him too much. 'You right, I've got nothing to say here, failure like me' she whispered, tear slipping on her cheek. She pushed away from railing and moved towards the stairs, but his hand clenched around her wrist. 'That's not what I meant, Gill' he answered, sadness in his eyes was ripping her heart out. 'Yes, you did' she said and tried to wiggle out from his grasp but he was holding her too tightly. 'Let go, Cal' she winced. She could smell the whiskey from his mouth and that scent that was only his. She hated the fact she couldn't stay angry for the man longer than a minute. 'How's Burns doing?' he asked with a sparkle in his eyes. He perfectly knew, that he left her few weeks ago. He knew she was still longing for him, cause she wanted to feel wanted and needed. Her free hand flew in the air and slapped him with all her strength. He let go of her wrist and covered his burning cheek. 'See? It's always like this! It's okay and then you go and destroy everything. People that get close to you get hurt' she said and with that she turned around and moved to stairs. When she was about to make a step down, Cal's strong hand spooned her around, his lips finding hers in an instant. Gillian was too stunned to do anything so she just stood there, motionless. She stayed like this until she felt his tongue on her lips. She automatically parted her lips, letting his tongue in. It was sweet, forbidden and all she ever dreamed of. On normal circumstances she would deepened that kiss. If he'd kiss her like that under the mistletoe, on a crowded street or just in front of her house, she would do everything to make his kiss last forever. But right now, she was hurting and she also realized that downstairs waited his ex-wife. All of the words they said few minutes ago came crushing down on her and she puled away quickly. 'You bastard! You had no right to do that!' she yelled, deep in side knowing that she would let him do this all over again. She walked few steps down, when his voice stilled her. 'Yeah, we will see what you will say, when you'll come back to work tomorrow, all puty in my hands' he smirked. She didn't know if that was alcohol talking, but she was sure as hell that he was one of the most dangerous person she'd ever met. Not only she hated him, but she was also disgusted with things he says and do. And trough it all, she still manages to love him more that anything in this world.  
><em>  
>On that stairs, that night, before Gillian escaped the building, she realized that her love for her partner, sooner or later, is gonna destroy her and make her more miserable than she already was. And she couldn't let that happened. And that led her to laying in her bed, thinking how pathetic she is for caring about Cal, when all he does is ignoring her. Yeah, he was perfectionist at that. Well, he had his moments, of course, when his soft side showed up and he was so caring and loving, she didn't sometimes recognize him. He usually acted like that when Emily was around, cause no matter how bitter he was, Gillian knew that he loves his daughter to death. And those little moments when she saw the real Cal, made her fall for him and crave for his closeness. Gillian sighed loudly. She had to get up and occupy herself for this few hours before she will catch her plain. When she sat on her bed and scratched she heard footsteps. They were coming closer to her bedroom and she thought her heart would jump out of her chest. Door handle moved and door squeaked, reviling the person behind them.<p>

_tbc..._

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><p><em>And? Was it as bad as I think it was? Well, please subscribe and tell me what do you think. :) I know you want to! *offers a cookie*<em>


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